A Tale of Patience… of Hunters and Killers.

PART 1: Hunter

The Boy

He awoke suddenly, his heart racing with unbearable excitement. A sensation not unlike fear caused by a nightmare, only this dream had not been a nightmare, quite the opposite in fact. He had been waiting for a long time and at last she had appeared again. He spotted her straight away as she had tried to keep herself unnoticed. Indeed he was very pleased with himself, for not having given himself away. In fact he couldn’t believe his luck, when she ventured — obviously still in the belief that he hadn’t noticed her — within touching distance…but he couldn’t help himself, he had lashed out and instantly found himself awake, and now the excitement was turning into annoying frustration and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. Somehow it didn’t make sense. Why had she returned and why could he not touch her, why was she afraid of him? At least he was awake he figured, able to think, he plumped up his pillow and sat himself against it, straightened his blanket in front of him and crossed his legs underneath it and while he folded his arms on top of the covers he started to recall the very first time; he had only been a little boy, but the memory of his dream back then was crystal clear; he had been hiding under the kitchen table, playing with farm figurines when there was a knock. “Come through, door is open!” his mother had answered. She dried her hands on her long apron. Through the half open door he saw a very beautiful young woman standing half hidden behind an old hag. He sensed something when his mother opened the door, something he hadn’t been able to understand at the time. The vicious looking old witch held something in front of her bosom, wrapped in a blanket. Tonight it finally became obvious that she hadn’t wanted to set foot in the humble dwelling. Dressed as nobility she had started to negotiate with his mother on the door step. After a while she fiercely demanded an exchange for what ever his mother was willing to give in return. He had come out from under the table, curious. Quietly he had wandered towards the door. On his toes, stretching… had he recognized a human baby? His mother had bluntly refused, wanted these people to get out of her sight, and fast. But as he recalled, they threw the bundle up before vanishing into thin air. He had gasped, had jumped up, answering an instinctive need to protect.

And there in his mothers’ arms she landed: the loveliest thing he had ever laid eyes on.

Overwhelmed with tenderness he had wanted to caress. But the slightest touch and she wriggled herself out of his mothers’ firm embrace. She jumped and had taken off as fast as she could. Seeing her cute little white tail zigzagging into the woods, he had never before felt more disappointed.

A Shortcut

And so it kept happening on occasion that this lad growing up dreamed about this bunny rabbit. And time and time again disappointment struck, like a heavy sword it would thrust itself into his heart. Out of nowhere she appeared there in a dream, where even the slightest of thoughts would induce her instant transformation into something so despise full that it made him shriek. But every so often she’d show up again, in the distance, well out off reach of the little grabby hands, as if to teasingly remind him of something that was eating away inside him: a hunger beyond his understanding, a hunger he couldn’t still.

The Bunny Rabbit, so much his to have and so out of reach, disappears more and more in the distance.

Seeking refuge and comfort in daydreaming as he enters adulthood, the fantasies about stroking her warm soft fur, her erect cool ears, about her coming so close to him out of her own free will and allowing him to touch her, lead him on.

So, he starts to grow vegetables, the juiciest most delicious vegetables, the kind that must be bunny rabbit’s favorites and so, he figures she will come closer, saving himself the trouble of hunting her down and the risk of revealing his true self in the process. Instead she will come to him, “lured” by scrumptious vegetables that will keep her healthy and strong and alive. The hunter wants the rabbit so badly that it actually makes him think.

Thoughts that inwardly grow and grow into a mystery that he is sure to unravel once he gets his hands on her.

And he will! What will happen once he does, he cannot possibly tell until he has her. He might want to cage her so he can have a closer look whenever it suits him, he could even eat, devour her when his hunger tells him so, deriving great pleasure from carving her up and sharing her among his rivals, then again, taking care, protecting her to nourish his own sense of self-worth is another option and maybe but only maybe he could even risk to set her free, who knows? He doesn’t, he doesn’t know what hunters do or are supposed to do. And the vegetables too, grow and grow.

From afar the bunny rabbit looks on in admiration, witnessing a very successful farm developing right before her very eyes, the little bunny heart pounds with sheer delight. Exited she comes close to being fooled and almost willing to give herself up, but she cannot, isn’t allowed for she cares too much for the hunter denying his own true self, fooling himself into being a farmer. All the rabbits from far and beyond find their way to the farm to nibble and feed, but not the bunny rabbit, the farmer is unhappy.

Where is the bunny rabbit? Maybe she’s dead, caged, killed, consumed by another hunter.

Maybe in the care of another farmer, but how could that possibly be? Him, the successful man, the award winning farmer, how could she favor another over him. It doesn’t make sense to him, he’s the very best she deserves, he made sure off that, devoting his whole self to pleasing her. And he becomes more and more unhappy.

PART 2: Killer

The Detour

Everything he could possibly wish for, and more is what he ended up with. Quite an achievement, he could be real proud of himself here and he is, but it doesn’t make him happy, if anything it only adds to his deep-felt unhappiness.

He grieves for his bunny rabbit, he, the fool.

To have gone to these lengths stretching to his limits like this and for what, an illusion, a silly childhood dream? He’s becoming desperate … emptiness gnawing away inside.

Bunny rabbit is coming closer though, she’s always somewhere near the farm and many a time even quite openly within eyesight of the farmer, who in his desperation and self pity fails to notice this entirely. During his daily inspections around the grounds his gaze wanders over the beds that flourish in abundance. Beautiful rabbits nibble gratefully from the crisp carrots and juicy lettuce.

One day, the farmer is near the boundary of his property, staring at the most glamorous of bunnies enjoying the fruits of his labor. They’ve long since given up competing for his attention and humbly fill their bellies. Bunny rabbit is just on the other side, tucked away at an arms length, hiding within reaching distance.

Sensing without realizing, a sudden spark in his tired heart makes him turn.

Paralyzed with disbelief he tries hard to let the glimpse of a fast vanishing zigzagging white something take hold of him.

A Man

Instantly his heart overflowing with hope, a nano second passes and before he‘s able to think he finds himself holding a shotgun, his shotgun, the one that belonged to his grandfather, the one that’s been collecting dust in a lost corner of his office ever since he moved into the big house. Boy he used to love that rifle, his pride and joy. And now, running like a madman in pursuit of a damned rabbit, not his bunny for sure, how could that possibly be… so close. Why would she be hiding, like she was afraid… of him, him who… him who has to offer her everything. He’s fuming with rage, contained and skillfully directed by the blind furry that is the hunter.

Bunny rabbit runs for her life, sensing the hurt and rage, this is no game…

She’s scared, very scared, feeling stupid for her carelessness, for not having respected a safer distance, the hunter catches up and boy is he fast as lightening, the efficiency of his moves leaving nothing to cover up in. The rabbit is scared shitless, he’s so very near, so near… the open space dooming up in front of her, ruthless in its affirmation of the hopeless situation, this is it… .

Blinded by the violent haze, he’s not even allowing himself to stretch to considering that it might be actually her. All he is capable of right now is to kill, kill something to make up for all the grief and pain.

A shot is fired, he’s a killer. Eye to eye with the still loaded riffle between them, the empty field starts to close in, her piercing eyes boring right through his thick fat skull. He’s in shock and when he reaches out, it is the little boy who suddenly awakes by the touch to his hands by the strange fur.

When a little boy reaches out to Bunny Rabbit he suddenly will find himself awake. Shocked with surprise that she should feel so strange and yet so familiar all at once… he’s home, at last.

The end

2011